"Oh, Kelly--congratulations!" Alice squealed.
"And you look SOOOOOO beautiful!" she added.
"As do YOU, Alice!" Kelly replied. "I've never seen you look lovelier!"
"Oh, Peter did all this," Alice admitted. "All I did was buy what he told me to get."
"Now," she continued, "I have to bring the food out to the buffet table."
"Won't Derek's caterer do that?" Kelly asked, confused.
"Errr, ummm," Alice stammered. "I just offered to help him--'professional courtesy,' you know." (Alice didn't want Kelly to know how hysterical the food prep had been.)
Bill and Dude placed a few outdoor lamps into the ground, and Alice brought out her Trout Meuniere and Rack of Lamb and called everyone to eat.
"Kelly," Regina said, "I don't think you've said where you two are going on your honeymoon."
Derek cautioned his new wife.
"It's a SECRET," Kelly giggled. "Derek is afraid Bill will pull some prank if he knows where we are!"
"Derek's sure got YOUR number," Lou observed to Bill.
"And he's not wrong," Bill admitted. "I'd short-sheet their bed if I could get away with it. Or put plastic wrap over the toilet seat."
"I know you and Derek have this weird sophomoric rivalry, but you wouldn't actually spoil Kelly's wedding night, would you?" Lou asked.
"No, of course not," Bill laughed. "And Kelly knows that. But it totally cracks me up that Derek WORRIES that I might!"
Bill and Lou sat down. Dude, who was on his second helping, changed tables to join them.
"Nice of you guys to 'dress up'," Peter teased Bill and Dude.
He continued. "Is there some 'tie shortage' in town that I don't know about?"
"There's seems to be a 'fabric shortage' in town," Bill kidded back. "Because YOUR tailor obviously ran out of material, and had to piece YOUR jacket together from scraps."
_______________
"Thanks a lot for this gig, Alice," Robin thanked her.
"No thanks necessary," Alice insisted. "You're a great bartender, and you show up and do your job well. And you're actually the ONLY person we hired who worked out."
"Well, I know the CATERER was a disaster," Robin admitted, "but Zoe Patel can at least play piano well, and she's been at it for hours without a break."
"Oh, the reason she's still here," Alice replied, "is that she wants to make sure I'm not spending any time with Dude. Which is why I'm not--because I don't want a scene at Kelly's wedding."
"How're you doing, sweetheart?" Regina came over and asked Alice.
"I'm okay, Regina," Alice answered. "Just tired from cooking."
"Yeah, I hear you saved the day, Alice," Regina said. "Bill says we'd all be eating nothing but BLTs and scrambled eggs if not for you."
"Glad to do it," Alice said. "I owe Kelly a lot--she really rescued me back when I needed rescuing."
_______________
"Zoe," Dude advised the pianist, "we're done with dinner now, and we're going to break out the stereo to dance. So you can go, and I'll see you tomorrow morning when you and the rest of the band and I all leave for the tour."
"So do you mean I can't stay, and dance with you?" Zoe challenged.
"I've told you many times, Zoe--the wedding's just for the Utopia House people. No one brought a date. And I won't be doing any dancing--I want a good night's sleep before we hit the road."
"Well, then, I'll agree to go quietly--" Zoe negotiated,
"as long as you kiss me."
"I can't do that, Zoe," Dude told her. "You and I will have several days together on tour, but for tonight I have to focus on Derek and Kelly."
Alice tried not to make it obvious that she had seen Dude holding Zoe's hands.
"I've gotta pee," Alice told Regina, and headed inside.
She didn't see Zoe stomp off in anger.
"How many drinks has Alice had?" Regina asked Robin, who had just sat down to take a break.
"Four that I know of," Robin replied. "But it's possible that she made herself a drink or two while I was on bathroom breaks."
"That worries me," Regina said. "Because I don't think I've seen Alice have more than a drink or two since we all moved to Willow Creek."
"I know," Robin said, "but I figured it was okay, because she busted her hump today after the whole caterer-fail thing. And it's not like she's driving--she's just walking across the street back to your house. How much trouble could Alice possibly get into???"
_______________
The guys set up the stereo, and everybody danced.
"I'm going to have to bail," Dude told Regina. "I have to be up really early to leave on tour with Zoe's .band."
"Okay," she said, "but can you please escort Alice home, too?"
"Because she's had a lot to drink, and I don't want her to fall completely off the wagon."
"No problem," Dude assured her.
_______________
"Dude, what can I get you?" Alice asked merrily. She was flying high.
"Nothing, thanks," Dude answered. "I have to get up early tomorrow to leave on tour. And you look exhausted--why don't we go back to Regina and Bill's house together, and I'll make you a cup of tea?"
"That would be nice," Alice agreed.
_______________
"We're off!" Derek announced triumphantly.
Kelly said goodbye to her girlfriends,
and especially thanked Alice.
"Oh, Alice!" Kelly cried. "You made my wedding day perfect--I only just now found out how much extra work you had to do!"
"It was nothing, Kelly!" Alice told her. "I owe you SOOOOO much!"
_______________
Once Derek and Kelly left for their honeymoon, Dude took Alice back to Bill and Regina's house. He was impressed at how steadily she was walking in her sky-high heels, given the amount of alcohol she'd apparently had.
The rest of the Utopians stayed behind to clean up, and it was a big job.
_______________
"I recommend chamomile, Alice," Dude told her.
"Thanks," she said. "I think I'm going to take a bath before bed--I had a really frantic day, and I kind of stink."
Alice eased herself into the bathtub upstairs.
20 minutes later, Dude--already dressed for bed--knocked on the door, since he had heard no sounds from inside the room.
"Alice? ALICE?--are you okay? Did you fall asleep in the bathtub???" he asked, sounding a bit worried.
"Umm, what?" Alice answered, sounding sleepy.
"Alice, are you almost done with your bath?" Dude asked. "Do you have a robe?"
"Umm, no," she responded.
"Okay, I'll get you one," he told her.
'Geez,' he thought to himself while walking to the dresser, 'all I need is for Alice to pass out in the tub and drown. No one would ever forgive me. Except Zoe, that is."
He went back to the bathroom door. "Alice? I brought a robe for you. Do you want me to crack the door and just hang it over the top?"
"Nope," she said, opening the door herself and walking past him.
Dude followed Alice out of Bill and Regina's bedroom and across the hall, and headed her off before she could enter her bedroom.
Although Dude THOUGHT all he wanted was a kiss, he got way more than he had bargained for.
