(This was how someone like Lou spent her days off.)
The doorbell rang.
"Screw it!" she hissed. "Who's bothering me on my freakin' DAY OFF?"
She stomped angrily to her front door, and opened it to find her new friend and colleague, Edwin, plus 3 other guys.
"Hey, girlfriend!" Edwin exclaimed. "Happy housewarming!!!"
He and the other men pushed past her. "These are my friends," Edwin said. "Braylen--who just started work at our hospital, and Pablo, a tech guy, to his right. And sitting next to you is J--he's a fitness trainer."
"Are ALL of you gay???" Lou demanded, rudely.
"I don't think that's relevant, Lou," Edwin laughed. "You said you were looking for genetically blessed sperm donors--these guys aren't here to date you.
"So," he announced, springing to his feet, "we're all going to the spa for the day!"
"I'm really not much of a 'spa person'," Lou told Edwin as they approached the establishment.
"It makes me anxious not to be doing anything productive."
"That's EXACTLY why we're bringing you here as a housewarming present--if ANYONE needs a spa day, it's YOU, girl !!!"
J and Pablo headed upstairs for a workout. "That bitch is seriously unhinged," Pablo observed.
"What do you care?" J replied. "You'll just be jerking off into a cup, and you'll be well paid for it."
Braylen took an "Energy Centering" yoga class (and no one commented on what looked like underpants),
Edwin got a Stone Massage,
and Lou consented (grudgingly) to a Lavender Aromatherapy massage.
'Kill me now,' she said silently.
After their massages, Edwin tried to convince Lou to take a mud bath.
"Getting naked near a co-worker I hardly know is NOT my idea of a good time!" she sputtered.
"For the last time, Lou, I'm gay, and I DO NOT CARE about seeing you naked!" Edwin said in exasperation.
Lou compromised by wearing a bathing suit in the mud bath.
'I think I know why this woman is single,' Edwin thought.
Lou took a shower--to get every trace of the mud off of her--
and went to a yoga class with Edwin.
'Kill me now,' she said silently. 'And this time, I mean it.'