Sunday, February 14, 2016

#168: What To Do About Declan?

Alice got home from her bartending job just after 2 a.m.,

and was surprised to find Dude still up.

"Hey, babe!" she greeted him.  "Didn't you finish work HOURS ago?"

"I took another gig afterwards, just to make a few extra bucks," he said, getting up to kiss her.

"Besides," he continued, "D3's at my parents' house, anyway, so I thought I'd wait up for you and have my awesome wife all to myself."

They shared a pot of tea, talked about their day,

and went to bed.

"I sure wish I weren't too tired to have sex," Dude said glumly.

"Don't worry about it," Alice said.  "I'm too damned tired, too."


Derek and Bill were doing a bit of early morning fishing.

"Let me tell you something," Derek fumed (as Bill hauled in a huge salmon, and -- as usual -- outfished Derek), "if you take that stupid little piece-of-shit asshole camping with you, then you're even more clueless  than I thought you were."

"And I'll tell YOU something," Bill replied calmly.  "My wife -- whom I adore, and who just gave birth to our son -- ASKED me to take our daughter, and YOUR son, and a couple other kids to Granite Falls for the weekend.  So I'm freakin' going to do it!  Because that's just how life works!!!"

"And," Bill went on, "MUCH of the reason Regina has asked me to do this is so that YOU can try to repair your marriage with Kelly!"


"But I don't WANT to go on the stupid fucking camping trip!" Declan wailed, enraged.

"Oh, come on, honey," Kelly pleaded.  "It could be FUN!  Your friend Erin is going, and you get along with D3 and Scout.  Please give it a chance -- it's only a couple days or so.  And -- also -- PLEASE don't use that kind of language in this house."

"I'm sorry, Kelly," the boy sobbed, "but please don't make me go!"

"I'm NOT making you go, and I would never do that," she reassured the boy, hugging him.

"I love you as much as if you were my own child."

This made Declan even unhappier.


Kelly had of course previously called Declan's mother to ask if he could go on the camping trip.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" Lana cackled, incredulous (and exhausted from a long day of police work).  "Anyone who takes that little piece of shit to the deep woods is probably going to get stabbed by him in the middle of the night!

"And then it will be a CRIME scene, and I'LL have to show up, and that's the LAST thing I fucking want!"


  1. That poor boy he thinks Kelly is going to leave him there. Just like his mum left him. Which the mum should be more encouraging and spend some time with him. No wonder he plays up. Thinking no-one wants him.

    1. Lana will not win any prizes as a mother, but at least half the fault is Derek's. And Declan definitely has "separation anxiety" being away from Kelly.

  2. Wow. I feel sorry for Declan. Seems like Kelly is the only one who cares about him at all. Poor little guy.

    1. I really enjoy writing Kelly. I have a regular reader who loathes her (even though he's married to a lovely observant Christian woman). I told him that, since I have 3 insane characters, a rehabbed drunk, a serial womanizer, a morally deficient baby-daddy, a crabby fussy (but lusty) elderly lady, and a high-strung female doctor with multiple sperm donors, I get to have one evangelical character!